I'm A Dreaming...

Truthfully, the week after Christmas and before New Year's is almost more fun than the whole Christmas season combined.  Well, for me that is.  And maybe a few other nerds like myself.  Why?

It's time to dream!

Most would call dreaming goal-setting, which is the whole purpose of dreaming.  Every year we do this, for ourselves individually, as a couple, as a family, for the business.  It is an act we bathe in prayer, do lots of writing, and usually, many exciting things come forth out of this time.  Some years, theme verses, quotes, and/or songs are birthed during this week that are often found months later to give great comfort and support for a season that is to come.

It's exciting.

I love it!

"Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, [and] rivers in the desert."

Isaiah 43:19

Jesus Versus Santa Claus

Jonathan and I are right smack dab in the middle of the Santa Claus issue.  Before we got married, we had decided that we would not "do Santa" with our children, and up until this year, it hasn't been that much of an issue.  However, this year is different!  This is really the first year Emily has been "into" the whole Christmas season, and oh my!  We are being suffocated with the commercialism of the holiday.  I think we have asked each other over a dozen times "where did she get that from?" when she tells us what she wants Santa to bring her, how the toys get to our house, and on and on.  Now, if you know us, and if you have ever met our daughter, it is not that we discourage imagination.  Right now, she is playing that she is rescuing Bambi from the lions (i.e. our two dogs) with her imaginary friend, Diego, using pixie dust so they can fly away.

Yet balancing Jesus and Santa is a chore!  It seems that once a year a figurative character is given God-like status and I often feel like the proverbial Grinch when I say a hundred times a day that we celebrate Jesus birth and giving to others at Christmas, be it at the checkout line in Walmart when she sees a Disney toy she asks if Santa can bring her or when someone asks her if she has written her letter to Santa yet.  Truthfully, I cringed yesterday when a random stranger at the mechanic's shop told Emily she needed to be good so Santa would bring her lots of presents.  I feel like all my parenting of teaching Emily how to make wise decisions because of right and wrong based on the Bible has flown out the window.  Why on earth would a child, mine or not, want to learn to recognize sin, confess, repent, and bear the consequences when a few weeks of "acting nice" creates the illusion of reward?

However, it has opened up the door for more learning for her (yes, we turn everything into a life lesson).  I have enjoyed teaching her the background of Saint Nicholas, and giving to those who need more than we do.  In her Sunday School class we are leading up to Christmas with focusing on part of the Christmas story each week with our homemade paper Advent wreaths.  We are planning and making gifts for family, church friends, and neighbors and trying to show her what a joy it is to give.  It doesn't have to be money (and we don't have much to give), but it can be love, time, relationship, and even our home.

Who knows what she will remember twenty years from now, but we are trying our best to follow the advice my mother gave us when Emily was born:  to make a difference against the world we live in, we have to parent radically.  Does that mean I have to repeat myself about celebrating Jesus next time I'm in the check out line?  Yep.  And please, don't think I have all the answers.  We don't.  We are very much not perfect parents.  And the Jesus vs Santa debate will go on in our home for years to come.  But something must be sinking in a bit.  She's been known to jump on her bed singing her made-up song "Praise Jesus, Praise the Lord!" very loudly so Santa can hear it at the North Pole.

That's my girl.  Hopefully it will sink in via osmosis to Ethan, right?  :o)

Persecute

As we are studying the life of David over the next couple weeks on Sunday night with the students, they are memorizing Psalm 23.  In light of that, they have a challenge set up for them:  they learn it, and I will recite it in Hebrew for them.

Now Psalm 23 is one of my favorite psalms, probably second only to Psalms 27 and 89.  But I will be honest, it has been a long time since I did a study of it!  Truth be told, I am fairly certain it with in Hebrew class with Dr. Crutchfield at Columbia International University when the oral recitation of Psalm 23 was part of our final.  And in pulling out my Biblia Hebraica Stuttgartensia, (or BHS, from here on out) to review the passage, I stumbled across a root verb I'd forgotten was in in the passage.  Radaph:  to persecute, pursue, chase down

I know, I know... none of those words appear in our version of this psalm.  In my opinion, the English translators didn't do verse six justice.  Our Bibles read it as "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life..."  Very nice, sweet, flowery, and tame.  It doesn't communicate the original connotation of persecution or pursuing, normally of a hostile intent.  Maybe we don't like the thought of God chasing us down like a army pursues a retreating enemy, but there it is, plain as day.

Like so many out there, I struggle with my view of God as anything other than an angry dictator waiting to punish me for any wrong move.  Was it my childhood?  Perhaps.  However, I tend to blame my perfectionist nature, and I am often my own worst enemy.  Maybe that is why I love the literal translation of this verse.  Goodness and lovingkindness don't merely meander along behind me throughout my life.  No, instead God sends goodness to persecute me, lovingkindness to pursue me,  mercy to hunt me down.  Like a wolf goes after a helpless lamb, my Good Shepherd is on pursuit.

Everything

Even though this came out while I was in college, this song still rings true of who I am as much today as it did ten years ago.  Thought I would share with you!

Recipe Monday: Mini Chocolate Lava Cakes - Attempt #1

Monday nights are cell group nights for our church's 11th and 12th grade students who are wanting "more" than just Wednesday night, which I have really enjoy.  Mostly for the time and more laid back/less intimating environment for relationships to grow, but it has also got me baking again.  Jonathan can attest to the fact that I am NOT a baker, but more a cook, yet it has been a treat putting the proverbial baker's cap back on.  Homemade chocolate chip cookies, chocolate fondue, snickerdoodles...  they may not always look pretty, but it normally tastes pretty good!

So today I tried mini chocolate lava cakes; one of our ladies asked for chocolate fondue or something to dip in.  I've been to a couple Pampered Chef parties lately that have served their Chocolate Lava Cakes made in the microwave with the rice cooker, but I don't have the rice cooker or a big enough microwave for that.  So what to do next?

Google.  Of course!

Google then lead me to a box of Duncan Hines' Dark Chocolate Cake Mix, Milk Chocolate Frosting, a can of sweetened condensed milk, and half a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

The first step was melt the condensed milk and chocolate chips together on low, then set aside while mixing the cake batter per the directions.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees, and grease and flour the muffin tins or ramekins (I like the baker's spray, which has the flour already added in).

Fill each muffin tin half the way, then add a large dollop (about two tablespoons) of the melted chocolate into the batter.

Once you've put in the chocolate filler, put more batter on top, until the tins are about 2/3 - 3/4 way full.

Bake for 20 - 22 minutes, and they will come out looking something like this:

It's okay for the tops to be cracked; remember, you will be inverting this once they have cooled for about fifteen minutes or so.  If you aren't going to be serving them right away, simply cover with foil to keep the heat in; these slid out better warm.  I do recommend dipping a butter knife in hot water and running it around the rim of each cake before inverting them.

Once inverting, melt the milk chocolate frosting for about thirty seconds in the microwave, then pour over each cake.  Dust with powder sugar and viola!  Individual mini chocolate lava cakes!  Great with ice cream!

So they don't look that pretty (I let the frosting cool a bit before I glazed them; note to self, don't do that as it clumps), and the last batch stuck like crazy!  Not sure why... the first half dozen popped right out without any issue (see far left; they are the prettier ones).  Anyway, here is what lava cakes look like after being attacked by high-schoolers:

So for my first attempt, they tasted awesome; I just have to work on appearance a little bit!  And I love that they are perfectly portioned... they are very rich but one is just perfect.  It's an easy way to fulfill the chocolate craving without the expensive bakery price.

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 16

Today, I want to say that I am thankful for the Word of God.  Now, that may sound corny, I know.  However, it is not fake.  I have long learned that a person, myself included, cannot and will not build a deep relationship with Jesus without it.  Sadly, many have used it and twisted it to their own ends and gains.  However, I know God, and I know the power of His word first hand; His truths always lead to freedom.

But I am getting on a soapbox - so sorry!  As much as I love and treasure my education, it has been a struggle since to view the Bible as something other than a textbook.  Don't get me wrong; I value the ability to be able to go through a passage and analyze it properly, to be able to go back to the original languages, to see God's word in a new depth.  It's like watching a show on a tiny black-and-white television, then going to a full-screen high-def color set. 

Yet beyond the hermeneutics, after the linguistic analysis, it is alive.  Inspired.  God-breathed.  Touches the heart, the soul, the mind in a way that is beyond explanation or understanding.  And for those who don't have that metaphysical personal relationship with Jesus will never have that.  To them it is just a book.  One that is to revieved, respected, and obeyed, perhaps, but not alive.

********

Grampa took Mary Ellen inside away from the crowd.  "Now, child, I am going to show you what my father showed me, and his father before him," he said quietly.

     He spooned the honey onto the cover of one of her books.  "Taste," he said, almost in a whisper.

     Mary Ellen savored the honey on her book.

     "There is such sweetness inside of that book too!" he said thoughtfully.  "Such things... adventure, knowledge and wisdom.  But these things do not come easily.  You have to pursue them.  Just like we ran after the bees to find their tree, so you must also chase these things through the pages of a book!".
   - excerpt from The Bee Tree by Patricia Polacco

This book is one of Emily's schoolbooks this year and I absolutely love it, nor does she tire of reading it over and over!  In a nutshell, the plot of the story is thus:  the main character, Mary Ellen, is tired of reading and wants to do something "fun", so her grandfather takes her on a wild goose chase following honey bees back to their tree.  They encounter new friends, learn lessons, and in the end, the analogy of the sweetness of knowledge and learning.

Is God's Word sweet to you?

Or is one of several versions of books gathering dust of your shelf?

Is it alive and breathing and warm and vibrant?

What are you pursing?

"There is such sweetness inside of that book... but such things do not come easily.  You have to pursue them."

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 15

Today I am thankful that after two days, my husband is home. 

Short and sweet, I know, but I missed my man.

"This is my beloved and this is my friend..." 

Song of Solomon 5:16b

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 14

Today I am thankful God creating us with responsive bodies.  As many of you know, I am training for my *gulp* first every 5K, which is coming up in a little over a month.  I'm trying not to freak out about it; I have a tendency to psych myself out over such things.

In light of what I've been doing physically with regards to my exercise, I am amazed at how God made our bodies.  This summer I could hardly jog a minute and a half without side cramps and shin splints; now it is nothing to go out and jog a mile after dinner.  Yet when I miss a day or two, oh my... my body knows it.  A normally easy run becomes labored, my shins get sore, my sides ache.  But when disciplined, my body responds.  Jogs are longer, recovery times are shorter... everything is in tune.  Some may not understand, but I was having a profound moment last time I was out pounding the pavement...

30 Days of Thankfulness: Days 12 - 13

Jonathan, the kids, and I have spent the last three days giving the infant room at church its own version of Extreme Makeover.  Old-fashioned dark blue dancing country bears have turned into an open, whimsical color scheme with a stripped wall that reminds me of rainbow sherbert.  Today, I am thankful for God's gift of creativity.

However, that was not the original plan!  We were going to simply paint each wall a different color.  The nursery teachers had given us some paint samples and color ideas which we really liked, and we when went to buy paint, we got to talking.  Our biggest struggle was trying to find out what to do with the large, main wall.  Mural?  Border?  If you know Jonathan and I, when we get talking and planning, creative things can come to life!  What started out as a simple repaint turned into three days of design!  We still aren't totally done; I need to paint the doors and trim, but it turned out really good (in my opinion, at least!).

30 Days of Thankfulness: Days 9 - 11

Due to a very time consuming painting project and an under-the-weather three-year old, I've gotten behind on my thankfulness blogging for this month.  As it is already creeping onto 1 AM, I will keep it short:

Day 9:  I'm thankful for the awesome ladies in my small group
Day 10:  I am thankful for Pizza delivery in our area (such a treat!) on nights when we are preoccupied and makes for a quick and easy dinner for my family.
Day 11:  So thankful for friends to fellowship and share burdens with, as well as a hot water heater!  Loved taking a quick soak in the tub!

More to come tomorrow!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 8

There are few people in life that love you, one hundred percent.  We may not always get along; we see each other on our bad hair days, had to share everything growing up from bedrooms to bathrooms to cars.  They can tell you the truth, even when it is tough, but when push comes to shove, they are your brothers and sisters forever, and I love mine dearly.  Today I am thankful for all five of mine:  Cicilia, Melissa, Nathan, Becky, and Timothy.

At Nathan's Wedding, 2005

Our wedding, 2006

January 2010

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 7

Since I am very tired this evening, I will keep it short tonight, but all in all, I am thankful for fellowship.  By definition, fellowship is "a group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest or aim".  So it doesn't matter if it is a gathering of students at our house, like tonight, or a small group of women doing a Bible study, or hanging out with friends for coffee, or even being my 2's & 3's for Sunday School.  All of the above is fellowship, and I thank God everyday for the people he has put into my life who provide that, be it friends or family, young or young-at-heart, new or old.  I am very blessed indeed!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 6

One of my greatest joys during the week is teaching the 2's & 3's class on Sunday morning.  I haven't regularly taught that age group since my post-college days.  I love how our curriculum is set up; we have a theme every month, with a verse and one or two stories that build on each other every week.  November is "God Provides for Me", which our verse being Philippians 4:19, and our story was of Jesus miraculously feeding five thousand people with a mere five loaves of bread and two fish.  Sometimes we skim over this story, but it such a great story of a child's faith and God's provision, even for those who doubt!

So in light of that, I am thankful that God provides for me.  I will be honest, there are days I fuss and stress and greatly feel the strain of the small salary that Jonathan receives, but then God checks my heart.  Do I want some new jeans and a fun pair of dress shoes to go with them?  Yes.  Do I need them?  No.  Yet God provides for me.  For example, last month a friend passed on a pair of nearly new jeans that didn't fit her well, that fit me perfectly.  Now I am just praying for the shoes in my size!  :-)  We are blessed; the kids overflow with clothes, so much so I get to enjoy passing them on to others who need them.  Do I want a mani/pedi?  Absolutely!  Yet it when it comes to getting my nails done or buying diapers for the month for Ethan, we get diapers, and we have never run out over this last year.  Do we go hungry?  No.  I've learned to feed our family on $300 a month; that is more than most families in third world countries make in a year.  We don't eat out very often, and that's okay.  But taking in the fact that every five seconds a child dies from hunger-related causes, we are blessed.  If you take a look at Jonathan and I, we are excellent examples that we get more than enough calories!  Are our meals more simple now?  Oh yes!  Convenience foods are a treat nowadays, and though our meals are simple, they are more wholesome and nutritious than what we used to eat.  When we are good stewards with what God gives us, there is always enough in each paycheck to cover our family's necessities.

I guess with all that, what I am trying to say, is that even though we are fiscally poor by pretty much every standard out there in our culture, we are oh so very rich.  God does supply all of our needs.  Not our wants, but our needs (my husband does think a new smart phone is a need... we are trying to see eye-to-eye on that one!).  We have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our cupboards, and transportation in our driveway.  Blessed, blessed indeed!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 5

Today I want to celebrate my little man, Baby Ethan.  Though he isn't so little.  Nor is he much of a baby anymore.  I cannot believe he is going to be one in a mere couple of weeks!

I am so truly blessed by him; he is our little miracle baby.  We were scared he wouldn't make it to twenty weeks during my pregnancy because I was losing placenta while he was still in utero, and ended up on bed rest for about six weeks during the summer of 2010.  But he decided to needed to wait it out!   Four days before Thanksgiving last year, we were induced and six hours later, a nearly 10-pound Ethan Raymond Matthew entered the world, and fell right into our hearts. 

We had an emotional up and down first few days, weeks, and months, in and out the hospital for his jaundice caused by our blood type incompatibility, and did we ever worry about his "funnel chest" (which thankfully has all but completely corrected itself on his own).  He had trouble regaining his birth weight, which we soon found was due to an intestinal problem, so at six weeks he had an outpatient procedure to correct it.  After that, he found room in his tummy again and very quickly regained his birth weight!  Even though we nursed, he developed his first ear infection at three weeks old, and had six more before he had tubes put into his ears at the age of five months.  Every cold turned into bronchitis.  Croup.  Lazy eye.  Borderline pneumonia.  Egg allergies.  Night terrors.  Completely addicted to his pacifier.  Totally laid back and happy to be dependent on me forever.  Raising Ethan has been a night-and-day difference from Emily, who had her first sick visit at eighteen months and still is an I'm-going-to-do-it-myself-by-myself ball of energy.

Yet even with his struggles, he is a joy.  His smile is his own internal sun that lights up his crib the moment I walk into his room.  His giggles make you laugh out loud.  Cuddles with him warm my heart.  His claps and "yays" of joy when he masters a toy or skill or plays with Emily make me count every day with him a joy.  God, forgive me for the moments when I have just wanted to rush him into being more self-sufficient and not taken the time to enjoy him for the treasure that God has made him to be.

Mommy loves you, little man!

Happy Birth-day!

Thinking and pondering...

Emily (2 1/2 yrs) & Ethan (3 weeks)

Playtime!

All ready for Puggles class!

Moving around!

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 4

In light of the fact that it is chilly today, I am thankful for my home.  Walls that keep out the wind, a solid roof to shield the rain, and soft carpet under my feet.

God completely blessed us when we moved to Guyton into a type of house that we didn't have any expectations of living in for another few more years!

Yet more than just the house, it is our home.

It is here that my children play, and eat, and dream, and even more, thrive.  Here my husband rests (most evenings!), I am privileged to assist both families find quality caregivers and provide employment for others during these economic times.  However, this house drew us to turn it into a home where we could serve and minister both within our new church home and our community.

It is five months today since this house became our home and our dreams for it are coming true.  We are praying for many, many, many more months here with our home being filled with the love of Christ, laughter, prayer, friends, students, sweet fellowship, more children, new agency clients, great food, and so much more!

"Choose this day whom you will serve... as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

Joshua 24:15

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 3

Today I am thankful for my firstborn child, Emily.  After days like today, when she has been whiny and fussy and argumentative, I feel like I have to remind myself that!  Yet my heart melts at her sweetness, when I come home from Bible study to find her waiting up for me in her bed, telling me that "her eyes can't close" without Mommy to pray with her and sing her a lullaby.  She will always be my little girl...

I love you, Baby Noodle!

 

 

First moments together, June 18, 2008

Mommy & Emily, Oconee Station Falls, April 2010

Praying before bed, Fall 2010

Emily & Savannah, July 2011

30 Days of Thankfulness: Day 2

CCC Children Ministry Appreciation Dinner, Christmas 2005

It is very fitting that Day 2 of my 30 Days of Thankfulness challenge happens to be the six year anniversary of Jonathan and I's first date.

Today, I am overwhelmingly thankful for Jonathan.

I truly love this man.  His heart for God, his passion for ministry, his desire for reaching the next generation for Christ stole my heart from square one.  Our post-college first conversation was over Andy Stanley's book The Next Generation Leader.  But I am getting ahead of myself... let me back up a bit.

I originally met this man in college; our social circles overlapped due to our friends, though we did not hang out with each other.  He hung out in the student center; I was conjugating Greek and Hebrew verbs in the library.  He was in pastoral studies program and I swore I was not going to go anywhere near them or the youth ministry guys.  But fast forward a couple of years later:  Jonathan was serving as a Youth & Associate Pastor for a Baptist church outside of Columbia, and I was working as the Children's Director for Columbia Crossroads Church while struggling to adjust with the changes of my future with Wycliffe Bible Translators and putting my masters work at Trinity Western Seminary in Vancouver, BC, on hold.  I did not know where God was going to put me next, but I did not expect a man to enter the picture at that time.

But he did.

And I am truly thankful for him.  It has been a joy (most of the time!) to do ministry together with him, from a church plant we helped with in Tennessee just a few short months after our wedding, to working with needy children and youth in the upstate of South Carolina, to where we are now in the Coastal Georgia region.  From our first phone call (that lasted five hours) to following Wednesday night six years ago where we met at Cool Beans Coffee Company after our respective church responsibilities were done, I knew from his warm smile and huge bear hug that this was the man God had intended for me to be my husband, the man who I had saved myself for, to love with my whole being.  Not saying we haven't had our trying times, but we are stronger today than we have ever been.  He is my love, the father of my wonderful children, and a man whom God has great things in store for.

I love you, Jonathan.  Thank you for these past six years and I am looking forward to every additional day that God gives us together.

30 Days of Thankfulness

In light of the fact that this month is Thanksgiving, I am once again joining in the 30 Days of Thankfulness challenge.  Think about joining me!  I find when I dwell on the gifts I am given, and the people love, I am content.  There is joy and peace to be found in those with a thankful heart.




30 Days of Thankfulness:  Day #1

First and foremost, I am thankful to Jesus.  He has wooed me, pursued me, soothed my heart, and drawn me to Him since I was a young girl who did not know how to grieve the loss of her mother.  My name, Debra Elizabeth, means "one who seeks the grace of God", and no matter what I've done, or how angry I've been, or how I have questioned God and my faith during times of trials, He is there.  Steadfast.  Never-changing.  Alpha and Omega.  My almighty, awesome, sweet Savior.  He is as real to me today as He was eighteen years ago when He captured my heart. 

Thank you, dear Jesus, for never letting me go, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Jeremiah 29:11 - 14:  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity."

Recipe Monday: Pumpkin Cheesecake

I love fall.

Seriously, I do.  To me, it is the best season of the year.  And no, not just because my birthday is in October.  There is just something simply magical about the crisp air in the morning, leaves turning a myriad of reds, golds, and browns.  It doesn't surprise me at all that I fell madly and deeply in love with my now husband during the fall of 2005... it was inevitable!

So in the light of celebrating fall, here is another pumpkin recipe!

Pumpkin Cheesecake

Ingredients:
1 graham cracker crust
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup canned pumpkin
3 egg yolks
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese
3/8 cup white sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon lemon extract

Directions:
1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2.  Combine 3/4 cup of the white sugar, the pumpkin, 3 egg yolks, ground cinnamon, ground mace, ground ginger and salt in a medium bowl (or if you don't have the individual spices, use pumpkin pie spice). Mix well, and set aside.
3.  Beat cream cheese with an electric mixer until light and fluffy; gradually add 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons white sugar and mix well. Add the whole egg, remaining egg yolk and the whipping cream, beating well. Add cornstarch and vanilla and lemon flavorings, beat batter until smooth. Add pumpkin mixture and mix well. Pour batter into the prepared pan. 
4. Bake for 50 to 55 minutes. Do not overbake. Center may be soft but it will firm up when chilled. Let cheesecake cool on a wire rack, then refrigerate.

Someone Doesn't Like Me

My super-wise mother shared this with me a few weeks ago, and I had to re-read it last night after dealing with the frustrating part of being a pastor's wife (it's true - it's not all unicorns and glitter!).  I am inclined to agree with the thought of mind that some have that being a pastor's wife is just as much as a calling as a pastor, though our ministry is different.  Anyway, it was good enough I had to share it!

************

Someone Doesn't Like Me by Cecil Murphey

Across the street lives a neighbor with whom I had a minor run-in last year. Since then, she doesn't "see" me when we pass each other in the neighborhood. If her husband stops to talk to me, she keeps walking.

She doesn't like me and probably never will. I figured out long ago that there will always be a few people who probably won't ever like me.

That's true with all of us: Some people don't like us. Won't like us. Ever. Often we don't know the reason.


I've tried to engage her in conversation and several times I gave her plants from our garden, but she hasn't warmed up to me.

I recently admitted that regardless of anything I do, she'll probably continue to have no use for me.

Years ago I began to pray for individuals who disliked me or spoke against me. I prayed for God to repay them for their sins and their hardness of heart. That was self-righteous, indignant praying, and I no longer pray that way.

To my neighbor I owe thanks for helping me to change my attitude. I pray good things for her every day. I expect no change, not even a friendly smile.

From that situation, I understood something significant for me. First, those don't-like-me individuals push me toward self-examination. I honestly search my heart to figure out if I'm guilty of wrongdoing toward them. Most of the time, no answer comes. (When it does, I apologize.)


Second, whenever my neighbor walks down the street, I see her slumped shoulders and the lack of joy on her face. I don't know much about her and I don't ask other neighbors. I simply believe that she must be an unhappy woman.

Each day and each time I see her, I pray for God to fill her with peace and joy.

Maybe God will answer my prayer.

Ready to Move On!

Sorry for the lag in posts over the past couple of weeks; if you follow Jonathan and I on facebook, or on his blog at www.pastorjonathandavid.com, you will know we've been through the ringer in a few areas!

First, Ethan has started having night terrors.  Much worse for us than him, I know, but good grief!  They make him cranky and tired and my we won't even start on the topic of my nerves.  However, he has not had one in four days now.  Yay!  We are learning that not skipping naps, or being late for them, and a consistent bedtime make a big difference, as well as other tricks to help him settle back into sleep more quickly when he does have them.

Then on Saturday/Sunday... BAM!  Bring on the longest course of stomach virus we've had in a long while.  Four days.  Literally.  All four of us.  Completely miserable.  So I pretty much lived on the couch for four days and four nights, stripped sheets off of beds as the kids threw up, taught Emily how to get sick in a bucket, and changed a multitude of dirty diapers.  Jonathan was left to fend for himself in our bedroom.  The worst day for me was the day after the puking stopped.  I was so weak I couldn't stand for more than 30 seconds at a time.  The worst moment of that day was laying on the kitchen floor, water running, bottle on the counter and I was bawling because I couldn't even get to my knees without blacking out to make Ethan his bottle, who was screaming in the other room.  You don't get much lower than that...ugh.

However, we hopefully will get out and about tonight.  We have missed our church's entire fall revival due to this bug, but are going to try to make it to their fall festival this evening, so be watching for pictures!  And lord willing, I will try to go for a jog tonight.  It's literally been a week since I ran, and with a 5K only 7 1/2 weeks away, I need to be training.  But it is starting to pay off, though:

I think I am liking being 30!  :-)  Still have a ways to go, but I'll get there, sooner or later!  But it's time to finish this year strong - two more months left to go!

"Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized. Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will not die." Daniel H. Burnham

Dream big as you enter into the homestretch of 2011!

Recipe Monday... on Tuesday

So, I am a day late this week... having sick kids will throw you off a little bit!

Some of you have asked why I like to post a recipe once a week?

The answer is easy:  I am a firm believer in cooking from scratch.  Love it.  It is (usually) healthier, saves money, you control what goes into it, and it can be a fun experience.  However, I am NOT a firm believer in slaving over a hot stove.  Good grief, we have kids and families and jobs and responsibilities!  Most of these recipes I post can have their prep time done in about 15-20 minutes, then bake/cook/throw in crockpot, eat and enjoy!

But in honor of a friend of mine, who does not believe I spend little time cooking in the kitchen in the evenings, I am posting my easy homemade chicken divan recipe.  It's a bit different from what you'll find in online recipes, but tastes good and can be customized to your own family's preferences.

Easy Chicken Divan

(makes one 8x8 or 9x9 square dish)

Ingredients:

1 16 oz bag frozen vegetable of choice (broccoli, green beans, asparagus, etc) 

1 cup chicken broth (or make your own with chicken bouillon)

2 chicken breasts, thawed and salt & peppered (or to get an extra awesome flavor, use McCormick's steak rub.  I use it in tons of recipes and it is an awesome spice mix)

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 large dollop of mayo or sour cream

1/4 cup milk

1 TBSP lemon juice

2 TBSP curry powder (or more to taste)

1 tsp garlic salt

1 TBSP butter

2 TBSP bread crumbs

4 oz shredded cheddar cheese (optional)

Directions:

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees, spray square baking pan.

2.  Boil chicken broth on stove, then cook vegetables according to package directions until soft-crisp.  Drain, and spread in bottom of baking pan.

3.  While vegetables cook, sear chicken at medium-high head until golden brown on both sides, then reduce heat to medium low and cover until cooked through, turning as needed.  When cooked, either shred or chop into bite-sized pieces and spread over vegetables.

4.  While your chicken cooks, go head and mix in small bowl the soup, mayo or sour cream, milk and seasonings.  Don't be afraid to go a bit strong on your seasonings, as the veggies and meat will pick it up while it bakes.

5.  Pour/spread sauce over the vegetables and meat.

6.  Melt butter in separate bowl, and toss the bread crumbs in it.  Sprinkle on top of sauce.

7.  If desired, top with shredded cheese.

8.  Bake for 20 minutes and until golden brown and bubbly.

Serve over rice or egg noodles, which can be cooked while the chicken divan bakes.

*******

FAQ's:  I like to cook with chicken, but my family always complains that it is too dry.  What can I do about that?

My Answer:   Besides changing how you cook your food, the easiest answer is to brine your meat!  I do this with both poultry and pork, but basically, fill a bowl with lukewarm water, add 1 TBSP each of salt and sugar, and put your meat in for at least 10 minutes before you cook with it.  Makes a huge difference and will keep even baked chicken tender and moist!  You can even get creative and add other spices to the the brine to enhance the flavor of your meat (for example, for chicken divan, I add some curry into the brine).

  

 

Born To Run

My exercise habits are taking an interesting turn of events.  If you knew me at all during and post-college, you knew I was a morning person when it came to working out.  I was the one up at 5:30 off for a walk or jog, rain or shine, mp3 player cranked up and blasting anything from Steven Curtis Chapman to Evanescence to Les Miserables.  Marriage, two ugly bouts of mono, and two kids later have me in a different place.

When on earth did I begin enjoying jogging at night?

There is something cathartic about taking out the stress and tension of the day on the pavement.  Normally, it is quiet and calm, a slight breeze, and a time to sort out my thoughts.  If I'm ticked off, it is a great anger management tool.  If I'm stressed, I can pound my frustrations into the asphalt.  

But it is mentally different, too.  I don't bring music anymore, or even need it; my head is full of thoughts and emotions and ideas and passions that for 30 minutes or so, I can bring some sort of clarity and order to them.  Some days it is a time to connect spiritually as well; God and I have a lot of conversations in my head! 

Tonight was one of those nights; loved my girls in small group tonight, though some of their stories about bring tears to my ears and furious anger at the one who deceives and is hell-bent on destroying our next generation.  And it got me thinking about a topic that has been, and continues to be, near and dear to my heart:  mediocrity or exceptionality?

If you know me at all, you know that I have an addictive personality.  Well... addictive may not be the right word.  Obsessive may be better.  When you give me a task at to, I will do it not just good enough, but take it to the top.  110%.  Overachiever?  Maybe.  I like to think of it as I am the sort of person who would rather do one thing magnificently than five things that are only okay or decent.

A few weeks ago, Jonathan asked me to speak to his students during the message time on Wednesday night.  In reality, it became more of challenge:  are you going to settle for just getting by, just being mediocre, or are you going to be exceptional?  God designed us, created us, to run for Him.  Now running is hard; most people's bodies have a love-hate relationship with it.  Their soul loves it and learns to love it and even long for it; their lungs and legs physically can hate and struggle with it.  But it was a challenge, and one God has put on my own heart over the past few months:  am I going to settle for what the world tells us "normal Christianity" is suppose to be, or am I going to run?

Unique Sweet Love

     Grampa took Mary Ellen inside away from the crowd.  "Now, child, I am going to show you what my father showed me, and his father before him," he said quietly.

     He spooned the honey onto the cover of one of her books.  "Taste," he said, almost in a whisper.

     Mary Ellen savored the honey on her book.

     "There is such sweetness inside of that book too!" he said thoughtfully.  "Such things... adventure, knowledge and wisdom.  But these things do not come easily.  You have to pursue them.  Just like we ran after the bees to find their tree, so you must also chase these things through the pages of a book!".
   - excerpt from The Bee Tree by Patricia Polacco

This book is one of Emily's schoolbooks this year and I absolutely love it, nor does she tire of reading it over and over!

In a nutshell, the plot of the story is thus:  the main character, Mary Ellen, is tired of reading and wants to do something "fun", so her grandfather takes her on a wild goose chase following honey bees back to their tree.  They encounter new friends, learn lessons, and in the end, the analogy of the sweetness of knowledge and learning.

As I read through this story and come upon the above scene where Mary Ellen is asked to taste the sweetness of her books, I am vividly reminded of a professor who would kiss the front of his Bible before we pulled it out to do our reading for the day.  Truth be told, I have done that as well, especially in times when I needed a physical reminder of the power of Scripture.  So often in our indoctrinated society that is numb to Christ, it is a powerful practice to treasure the Word of God.

Is God's Word sweet to you?

Or is one of several versions of books gathering dust of your shelf?

Is it alive and breathing and warm and vibrant?

What are you pursing?

"There is such sweetness inside of that book... but such things do not come easily.  You have to pursue them."

An October Tradition

For the past two years, I go a bit pumpkin crazy during the first couple days of October and start baking the flavors of fall.  This year is no different!

I have always said I am in general a better cook than a baker, but when I find a great recipe that is tried and true, I will share it!  So enjoy my Amazing Pumpkin Bread!

******

Amazing Pumpkin Bread
(makes 2 loaves or 3 dozen muffins)

Ingredients:
3 cups bread flour
1 TBSP pumpkin pie spice
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup butter, very soft (not melted!)
3 eggs
1 15 oz can pure canned pumpkin
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (optional)

Steps:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease either loaf pans or muffin tins.

2. In medium bowl, mix the flour, spices, salt, baking powder, and baking soda, and set aside.

3. In large bowl, beat together softened butter and sugars. Add the eggs. Beat for two minutes with mixer until fluffy (do not under beat!).

4. Add the pumpkin to butter/sugar/egg bowl and mix by hand until well combined.

5. In three batches, add the dry ingredients and mix gently by hand until each batch is just incorporated (scrape the sides between each batch). If desired, gently stir in nuts. Batter will be thick and fluffy, not liquid. Do not over mix!

6. Fill each loaf pan with half the batter, or fill muffin tins half full. Bake loaves about an hour, muffins about 20 minutes, or until a tester comes out clean and tops are golden. Cool in pan for ten minutes, then run a knife around the sides and finish cooling on wire rack.

7. Eat and enjoy!

I'm not always one to separate the dry and wet ingredients when I bake, but it does make a difference with this recipe, and keeps it from being very dense and crumbly. In addition, mixing the dry and wet together gently keeps this light and airy. It is worth it, though, and one of my guilty pleasures in the fall. My favorite way to eat it is with a light layer of cream cheese and a delicious cup of coffee (or apple cider!).

A Season of Loss

Why grieve death?  It is inevitable; we all die, and we all know that one day, our time with come.  Those who are not here and just that:  not here.  They don't see the tears, experience the heartache, shoulder the weight that settles so heavily.

The living grieve death.  Life cut short, gone from us from this present world.  The passing of time does not make the sadness of living without them any easier.  And so many reminders as of late.  Seven local students dead.  A college friend dying of cancer.  A child murdered.  My own daughter almost drowning just three months ago.  The miscarriage we just went through a month ago.

I know, I know, I'm being melancholy.  But it's October 1st again.

Don't get me wrong; I love fall.  Changing leaves and apple cider.  Cooler weather, breezy days.  But ever year since the year I turned eight, fall begins with death.

I can close my eyes and still see the pictures of our smashed mini-van, and his totaled pick-up.  I can still see her in her casket, feel her cold and dry skin; I can still remember the vow I took that day that I would not cry over her death again, and I didn't, for five long and hard years.  I still feel the rage bubble up at times, over his stupid and senseless driving after a day of fishing and drinking beer at the lake that resulted in the loss of two lives.  After so many years, I still want to scream at God at the senselessness at her death; she was only thirty-six and had four children who desperately needed her.

But I don't.

No, I don't scream.  The tears ceased falling some time ago.  Life in its own way moved on without her.  Somehow, we picked up the shattered pieces of our lives, clumsily glued them back together, and life continued.  Dad remarried.  Two more siblings.  High school graduation.  College.  Another graduation, this time with honors.  Boyfriends.  Heartaches.  Ministry.  Adulthood.  Marriage.  Two children of my own.

But I still grieve.

Beneath the surface, my heart still bleeds.  It weeps for things I never got to share with her.  A good exam.  My first kiss.  The rise and fall of the ministry with Wycliffe. All four of her childrens' weddings.  A cup of coffee.  Snuggling newborn grandchildren.  Late night phone calls.  Becoming the woman she wanted me to be.  Time.

I was robbed of time.

I may be days away from turning thirty, but I still yearn and long and ache for my mother as much as I did that fateful autumn day so many years ago.  God, will I ever understand why?

I miss you, Mom.

A Month Has Come & Gone

Looking at today's date, I realize it really has been a month since we miscarried Rogers' Baby #3.  It's hard to believe that if we hadn't, I would be creeping up to the end of our first trimester.

*sigh* 

I dislike reminders that there is no longer a child growing and thriving in my womb.

For those of you who have gone through this, or struggle with other battles such as infertility, I wanted to share a poem a dear friend, and our daughter's namesake, wrote:


A Flower for a Friend

I don’t know what you’re going through.

But I know how it feels

to grieve without a funeral,

to ask “why?” to the ceiling,

to miss someone you’ve never met.

I have felt the injustice

of reckless insensitivity

of comments that pierce like knives

of children abused, unwanted, abandoned.

I know what it means to carry around an invisible grief on your back every day,

a grief that feels

like it should disable you,

like you should be in a wheelchair.

I’ve memorized all the faces of suffering–anger, fear, jealousy, despair.

People say, “It will get better.”

Which isn’t exactly true.

But you will learn to live with it, like someone who’s lost his right arm learns to live with just the left.

Dear friend, I don’t know what you’re going through.

I’ve never walked the path you’re on.

But I have walked the one beside it.

-Emily Wilson

"When I Am Silent"

"Who will sing my song, when i am silent?
Who will count the colors of the dawn?
Who will follow the lark's flight,
Who will hear it's song,
when am I silent,
who will sing for me?

Who will scent the fragrance of a flower?
Who will laugh at snowflakes on the tongue?
Who will dance barefoot in the grass?
Spinning and twirling,
and spinning and twirling
to welcome the warmth of May.
Who will dance?

When I dance no more....

When I sing no more...

When I am silent, silent...

Who will cry for me?
Who will cry..."

By Joan C Varner; written after a trip to the Auschwitz concentration camp.

It is applicable and says what my heart feels today on the 10th anniversary of September 11th.

Picture by Leah Anderson Hartman

Focus on the Who

So in light that my husband just posted his 300^th blog, I was actually reminded that I have a blog.  It has been a busy time and a very long summer.  We’ve moved in June as Jonathan took a pastorate position in a small Baptist church in southern Georgia, nearly lost our 3 year-old daughter in a swimming accident over the 4^th of July, miscarried our 3^rd biological child in August, and somewhere in there are dealing with balancing marriage, parenting, ministry, a small business, home schooling, and a plethora of other things.

Truth be told?  My heart hurts.

I’m used to change; I’ve always craved it, as I have more than just a strong dash of wanderlust running in my veins.  Blame it on touring the country in our old Winnebago towing the race car as Dad became a successful drag racer, or family mission trips that turned into individual consecutive summer jaunts around the globe (I had been on 4 continents by the age of seventeen), but in the midst of the change swirling around us, I crave peace during the storm of change.

This summer has taken my relationship with God to another level… if you have known my struggles over the past 2 or 3 years, I have battled with feeling obligated to love Jesus, but how messed up is that?  Being duty-bound to love the sweet Savior of my soul?  So for over two years I have battled against it:

Gnawing at the bars of my internal cage,

Eager?  No.

Desperate.

Hammering my head,

My heart,

My soul,

Against the lock that has no key.

Why?

Where?

Fear.   

Choking and all-consuming fear.

Fear of intimate joy being forever gone.

That was a something I wrote awhile back describing the caged relationship I battled with regarding my personal relationship with God.  The honeymoon period long gone, and the daily war for peace, joy, and contentment was literally that:  war.  Every day.  Multiply times a day.  For one who feels so keenly, going through 2+ years of an emotional block with my Savior felt suicidal.  Yet in that, this summer I’ve started to see glimpses of light, the bars slowly starting to bend apart.  I’ve had a day-by-day lesson in faith and perseverance, to believe even when your heart does not feel.

 I struggle against questioning God.  Why?  What was the object to the last two years?  What lesson did you and are you wanting me to know through this?  But I am reminded of the tiny quote of wisdom a former professor counseled me with when God closed the doors on my future with Wyclife Bible Translators:

Don’t lose yourself in the battle of the why’s; instead focus on the Who.

The Who?  My Who… my sweet Savior… my Jesus… Alpha and Omega… Lord of Lords... Kings of Kings… my Papa God… Adonai… Yeshua.

God.

King.

Father.